One of the most complicated challenges faced by many of the parents today is children behavioral problems. What to do with it? How can it deal effectively? Parents need better guidance in this area? At first, it is very important to know your child, the changes in which he/she passes through during each stage of development. But I know many of the parents who come to talk with don’t have any idea about the changes and how to adopt it. To master over parental skills you don’t required to mug up all the child psychological studies but having sound idea about would be a great help to deal your child.

What is Child Psychology? As you know child psychology is a branch of psychology, which focuses on children especially their behaviour, emotional & social development, mental & physical changes etc. This area of study eventually substantiates that a child is not a smaller version of adult but different in thought and action, which is wholly different from what we had been thinking for years.

Children behavioral problems are often multi-faceted and a range of factors such as social context, age, adaptive abilities of family and temperament affect them. Some of the common behavioural problems in children are:

  • Psychological Disorders (Disorder in emotion, behaviour & physical function)
  • Habit Disorders (Thumb Sucking, Nail Biting, Hair Pulling, Hitting/biting themselves etc)
  • Anxiety Disorder (Anxiety & Fearfulness)
  • Disruptive Behavior (Attention Deficit Hyper Activity Disorder)
  • Sleeping Disorder

The role of parent is vital in all the stages of child development. Sometimes these disorders can occur as part of natural development at the early stages. But if you feel your child is having a behavoural or emotional problem, save the child by taking the help of a child psychologist.

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“Don’t worry that your children never listen you; worry that they are always watching you”- Robert Fulghum

It’s a significant question before every parent that whether they should need special skills and talents to grow their children in discipline and mold their good behavior patterns? With a little observation in and around our family or society, anyone would be able to find out parenting without a proper foundation definitely brings confusion and wrong ideas to a growing child.

Create a List of Expectations

The first and foremost step to successful parenting is in developing a clear expectation of what parents need. Having different opinion and expectation about children will ruin your children. So, it is important that before starting to think of how to discipline your children, you must agree on what you expect from them.

But before setting an expectation you must take into consider a number of things such as your financial background, age, interests, likes and dislikes of your children, scope etc. Based on this, create a list of expectations. As Burke says “create a list of expectations such as social, academic, religious, family oriented and hygiene which help parents to be very specific and concrete in teaching their children.” Above all it is important that what you charted out for your children must be communicated to them properly in time and there must be timely follow up and family discussions. Remember these meetings are not just to accuse your children but it is to support and guide them to your expectations.

Be a Positive Influence on your Children

Children always try to imitate their parents. Since they imitate and take you as a role model, it is very important to think how to be a positive influence on your children. It is you; none of others can do it better than you. So, think about it. You know the influence of TV and internet. This makes today’s children more pleasure seeking and a thirst for leisure. Be prepared and start your planning from the very early age itself. I just created a useful and practical guide for parents and let me share it here:

  • Spend time with your children
  • Involve in their daily activities
  • Make a world of difference
  • Let them feel comfort, security and warmth of your love
  • Give rewards
  • Praise them when they do good
  • Avoid yelling, physical punishments, threats etc
  • Accept apologies
  • Use ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ in your speech
  • Avoid alcohol, drugs, smoking etc.

Children always seek for acceptance. Thus, accommodate and listen your children when they talk. Demonstrate healthy living and show them the importance of exercise, entertainment, fun and taking up responsibility.

ACCEPTANCE
Attraction
Communication
Commitment
Enjoyment
Purpose
Trust – are the 7 secrets of a good marriage

Just look around the world, you might wonder why do people who have been so long in love before marriage getting divorced after a while. Things are changing – the way men and women behave and interact have changed over the years and a better understanding of your partner’s vision, likes and dislikes and moreover, what he/she expects from the other are the first and foremost to a successful married life.

Marry one you Love, not one you Admire

It is important to know your partner before you get married and it is always a big question before everyone how to get to know each other. Find a partner who can truly understand you and you can understand. Remember you need to marry one you can love and one that loves you, not one you admire or one admires you. Try to find what you expect from marriage and partner; share with him your thoughts, your principles, your expectations in love and life.

The reason why love fails is quite clear with the recent trends that youngsters follow before getting married. Be yourself and begin your married life with out over expectations. A marriage doesn’t become successful with beauty alone. Though a happy married life requires attraction, leisure and enjoyment, acceptance, communication, commitment, purpose, support and trust are the vital elements you should ever have.

“Your Job will not take Care of you when you are Sick”

“Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about” says Prof. Randy Pausch who was an American professor of computer science died of pancreatic cancer in 2008. He goes on saying “forget the issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner of his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness. Your job will not take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. So, stay in touch.”

Learn how to Agree to Disagree

Secret to a happy marriage life is none other than truthfulness, boundless love, care and support. Compliment more than you criticize your partner. Marry someone you really love to listen and talking to. Learn how to agree to disagree. Respect each other’s privacy and be quick to say “I am sorry”. Never stop dating. LOVE and CARE each other.

Spare a little time with your partner away from noise, children, friends, relatives and other troubles that haunt you all through the day, discuss, share and hold each other. Forget your problems and whisper each other this is a great time we together!

 

 

Just look around the world, almost everyday we read from the tabloids about one or the other celebrity calling it quits to her/his marriage and filing for divorce. Just a few years before, these very people were on the front pages of these very tabloids, hugging, smiling, and holding hands and eyes with twinkling love. After just a few years here they are again, but this time for the unpleasant reason of legal battle for custody of the children, and property settlements. Haven’t you ever asked yourself..why? How could people who were so madly in love with each other later become foes? And what are the secrets of successful relationship?

Criticism, contempt, defensiveness – think it now

Criticism, infidelity, disrespect, lack of care and support, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling are some of the problems that commonly as you know lead to relationships break ups and in many case which make married life less enjoyable and utterly miserable. The point here to be noted by both men and women is that with time even love changes. The kind of passionate love that was there in the beginning evolves into a more mature kind of love after marriage, which is not dependant on hormones or pheromones but on the faith in the institution of family.

Think of the problems that haunt you in life, try to follow it until you reach the root cause- that very single event pull you troubled. Don’t go after ways to eliminate it, but just talk to your partner. It’s enough for everything.

A successful relationship is possible, if you truly wish

First of all we need to accept the fact that we cannot expect life to turn out to be the way we want it. That means we need to adjust with many things in life, especially with people whom we love most. There are dos and don’ts, there are how and when. Relationships are not the same they used to be when our parents were young. So, taking parents as your models do more harm than good.

Don’t try to recreate the family you grew up as your concept of an ideal family might revolve around your memories about your family and childhood. Remember your spouse is an individual with different views and perceptions. So, should not enforce your ideas and concepts, instead, try to resolve everything together for that will bring a more effective solution on any issue.

Find time for each other

One of the greatest mistakes that married couples commit is underestimating the importance of spending time together. Once in a while spare a little time with your partner away from noise, children, friends, relatives and other troubles that haunt you on usual days. Make each other feel the way you used to feel shortly just after you had fallen in love. Discuss, share thoughts and talk openly about everything especially about why you care and how you care. Hold each other and look into each others eyes. A simple touch or even a glance can speak more than a million words.

There is quote which says-‘Women marry men in the expectation that they can change them and men marry women in the expectation that they won’t change’. Except for change itself, everything is subject to change, and love too has no exception from it. Men often complain that a few years into the marriage especially after the birth of a child, my wife is interested only in matters of child’s health and the family budget. But women on the other hand complain about the insensitivity of men, how they don’t value her efforts to run the family, how he takes her for granted and how instead of listening to her, he is stuck with old friends and merry.

Use your voice not to compare but to love

“Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about” says Prof. Randy Pausch who was an American professor of computer science died of pancreatic cancer in 2008. He goes on saying “forget the issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner of his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.” Truthfulness, boundless love and care are the nourishing factors that support communication between wife and husband which is the true essence of a successful relationship.

Always strive to have a better understanding of your partner’s vision, likes and dislikes and moreover, what he/she expects from you. Sure it has limits. But truly it works and a successful relationship is far from reach until you understand your partner.

3 essential criterions: Loving Parents, Good Structure & Flexible approaches to discipline

A responsible person is one who cares others and thinks about doing well to his society, nation and for the whole mankind. It is the common goal of every parent, despite of geographical diversities and cultures, to create responsible children tend to be more self-reliant and mutually supporting who can eventually find their way to successful life. Parental behavior lays the basic foundation for a child’s personality development and character formation. Parents who love, respect and care for each other provide the best role model for their children, who watch parental behavior closely and believe, for the most part, that everything their parents say and do is right.

Raising responsible children doesn’t have to cost, it’s a fortune! Spend a little time with them caring and feeling good, because children are like sponges –they quickly integrate what they are exposed to, whether it is good or bad. Parents need to be mindful of how their behavior in turn affects their children’s behavior, concentration, focus, overall health, performance and efficacy. Children need a home environment that is physically and emotionally safe for them to progress emotionally, spiritually and cognitively. Children reared in a home where co-operation and compromise is commonplace, learn how to share and solve problems better. This also stimulates cognitive development and processing, communication and critical thinking.

Like adults, children also need reasonable amount of structure to function properly, appropriate to their age and ability. Having a structure gives them predictability to their day, instills internal discipline, skill-development in organization and planning; all of which is necessary to be academically successful.

Parents have different ideas on how to discipline children and what works for one child may not work for another. Likewise, what worked when a child was two years old may not work when he/she is five years old. The whole area of discipline is a complicated topic as the method itself will be motivated, influenced and molded by so many factors such as one’s upbringing personality make-up, expectations of child etc. Parents who love and care for each other demonstrate basic values and ethical behaviors necessary for responsible living.

Change is an inevitable partner of life no matter whether we like it or not. As times goes on everything around us changes. Our immediate physical surroundings which might include buildings and infrastructure to which we might have strong emotional attachments make way for more modern and sophisticated ones with changing times. In the same way, social systems also change. With the flow of time even social values which were of utmost importance once, often take a place of lesser importance in modern society. If 100 years ago the tempo of change in the social sphere was at a snail’s pace,50 years ago it became that of a hare and at present it moves as fast as a Ferrari. On first look the picture might seem as that of progress, but on closer scrutiny comes clear a picture of chaos, misunderstanding and alienation of individuals who mentally tend to get detached from the society. Generation gaps have become a serious threat to the family system all over the world having evolved from a natural phenomenon into an ugly reality that needs to be confronted and can be dealt with only through professional help. Parents find it difficult to understand their children because they simply grew up in a different world with different values and different priorities in life. Supplementary to these consequences of changes in social patterns, interpersonal relationships both on the platonic front as well as on the marital front are under immense stress.

Life has become a race where everyone tries to be the first and in the process injuries are inevitable. Modern life gives us very little time to adjust to our surroundings’ and situations and no sooner than we manage to adjust ourselves in one place, life already takes us to another. Transition periods from childhood to teenage and then to adulthood have become so complex that they can leave individuals, not only those from problematic backgrounds but also from normal families deeply traumatized. These hidden traumas may surface again in the form of anxiety, depression, identity confusion, personality and eating disorders when the individual finds himself in a situation pitted against all odds which, is nothing new in the 21st century man’s life. Every disorder including anxiety, anger and stress management is possible with the help of an expert clinical therapist.

It is in this context that the importance of professionals like psychoanalysts and psychotherapists needs to be highlighted more. Modern medical science understands the incompleteness of medicine as a science without psychoanalysis and psychotherapy because a person cannot be completely healthy unless both his body and his mind are healthy. Clinical social workers render their services professionally and provide family therapy, couple therapy, and also deal with child and adolescent problems. Clinical consultations and therapy help people to deal with a range of emotional and inter personal difficulties which are a common phenomenon in almost every modern household. Living in the modern age of the internet may have complicated life in areas of interpersonal relationships but it has also its merits in the form of the effective availability of solutions to these problems even at a distance. People whose physical condition deters them to meet the therapist or those who are too far away and cannot afford to spend time for travel can have consultations online. Online consultations are also extremely useful in crisis situations when an immediate solution is necessary or as a resource for parents who need to consult regarding an adolescent who is not willing to appear for consultation. Making use of video conference facility, group therapies can be held even with people who are located in different countries.

To sum it all up, even though life in the modern age with its fast pace and the resulting tension has given rise to a lot of psychological problems, it has not only  provided effective remedy, but also the infrastructure to make it available to those in need of it.